Today is the last day before we move into the month of October; the month that most people will recognize breast cancer and domestic violence. But I challenge you all to speak up and show support for pregnancy and infant loss. Whether you change your profile pic to pink and blue or light a candle for an angel that was gone too soon, just show support. I am not embarrassed or ashamed to say that I loss my baby. The fact remains that I am still a mother. I won't ever stop talking about my baby and I won't let anyone tell me that I should. I will admit that before I had this tragedy happen to me, I was clueless about miscarriages and stillbirths. I mean I knew these things happened but never in a million years did I picture my life to be what it is today without my baby and without certain friendships or relationships. But God has a funny way of showing you who your true friends really are. I am going to tell the world about Elijah because even if he was here today, I would be showing and telling the world allllll about him.
As I dread facing October, the month that changed my entire life, I am finding comfort in connecting with other angel mommies. I started following Courtney's mommy on Instagram and again was impressed with her strength to overcome giving birth to her daughter who was stillborn. Losing a child isn't something that people "get over" and friends and family shouldn't make them feel that they have to get over their baby. Courtney's mommy is still living and carrying on her daughter’s memory. Despite failed relationships she is turning her pain into purpose. Take a look at her story....
What is your name and where are you from? My name is Cassidy Marie originally born and raised in Chicago.
Where do you currently live? I now live in small town Alabama.
1. When did you become an angel mommy? August 12, 2014 is when my life changed forever. Giving birth to a stillborn daughter was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.
2. How did losing your baby change your life? Courtney’s death changed me into an entirely different person than I was before, I can’t even remember the young lady I was before this tragedy.
3. How do you feel the hospitals supported you after your loss? While in the hospital I remember a social worker coming to speak to me about grief and she said “it may not hit me today or tomorrow I might not feel grief until 7 months from her passing.” She handed me a few papers on dealing with pain, talked to me about grief and that was it. I was discharged and I was empty and I was lonely. Though many gifts were given and kind words were shared in the hospital, it only lasted two days. I left that hospital without my daughter and returned home to an empty nursery and a broken heart.
4. Did you ever experience negative comments from others? My family during this time was so supportive, they held my hand through everything but I still felt so abandoned. I didn’t have many friends prior to becoming pregnant, but after such an extreme loss the few that I did have ended fast! I was depressed, I didn’t care to talk to people, I didn’t want to go out and have fun, and I had no energy to watch other people be happy.
5. How did your loss affect your friendships and relationships? My family, my boyfriend and my best friend were the only ones in my corner because they too were affected by her death. To others I don’t think they considered the magnitude of what had truly taken place. So yes I lost friends but through it all I found myself. I gained a closer walk with God, I feel as though I matured and for the first time ever I was truly in love with myself.
6. What are you doing to turn your pain into purpose? Though this process took time I do feel stronger after surviving such pain. I wasn’t able to break the silence fully until Courtney’s first birthday. Now my mission in life is to leave a legacy for my precious angel. I have started a foundation in honor of her entitled Born Into Heaven which assists with funeral cost for stillborn babies and things are going good.
7. What advice can you give a grieving mother? For all the mothers who are grieving and going through the steps of putting their lives back together my advice to you is to TALK. Tell the world about your baby by breaking your silence, as well as talk to God and thank him for your peace in advance. Sharing my story helped me realize I wasn’t alone and finding those who are willing to listen to my story makes me feel like my daughter mattered.
8. Do you still consider yourself a mother? So though you see no children here on earth I absolutely still consider myself to be a mother, I’m Courtney’s mom however I am also waiting for the day when God blesses me to put my motherly skills to good use.
For more information on the Born Into Heaven Foundation, visit www.bornintoheaven.org