Making Space...

October was an eventful month! I was very busy celebrating my mother, uncle, godson, aunt, and cousin's birthday; planning the 1st Pregnancy and Infant Loss walk that Baltimore City has ever seen, and having to face the 1 year anniversary of the day we loss our son. It was a chaotic month but I made it! I cried, I screamed but that was expected. One thing about me is I am very transparent about my feelings. I let people know how I feel and I show emotion often. I titled this blog Making Space because I believe that for anyone that has suffered a fetal or infant death, one of the things you may struggle with is the realization of having to make space for what matters....

Making space in your heart is important and also needed. I realized that people will use and abuse you but when they no longer need you, they toss you out like yesterday's trash. I am big on mutual support. If I support you, yes I do expect you to show me a level of support as well. I was devastated when certain people didn't call or text to ask how I was doing on the 1 year anniversary. I shouldn't have been surprised because when my baby died, my support was low as well. But I am making space. I realized that I had a choice to make, I can either choose to sit around and wonder why so and so didn't call or come see me, or I can choose to make space in my heart for the people who do love and appreciate me. I'm not upset, I am happy. I had to let some stuff go, move some stuff out, to make space for what's to come. I am expecting God to bless me double for my trouble and I believe it is coming. A miracle is coming soon but in order to prepare for that, I had to make space in my heart and mind. No drama or negativity is allowed.

On Halloween, I thought about the fact that my son would be 6 months, and it would have been his 1st Halloween. I started thinking of what he would have been and that made me smile. I was happy that day and the way I felt, no one could kill my vibe. I asked Elijah's dad to take my picture because I couldn't remember the last time I felt happy, the last time I smiled just because. It's because I forgot about what didn't matter and started remembering what mattered. So I challenged all my angel mommies, to make space in your heart for forgiveness, peace, and a miracle. God knows your trouble, he sees it, but he wants you to forgive and clear it out of your space. Have a beautiful week everyone....

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